Heavy-hearted.

I learned this morning that one of my grad students has filed a grievance against me with the TA union, because the union-mandated letters (all three of them) confirming readerships for the quarter went out late. But still -- it's a grievance. Against me. So yeah, when it actually hit me what was going on, I had a complete meltdown in my co-worker's office -- tears and sobs. Now I have red-rimmed eyes and a fairly tenuous hold on my composure.

I just can't say how *betrayed* I feel. I give everything I have to my grad students, and leave precious little of myself to take home to my own family. I *love* my students. It hurts, incredibly so, to know that someone out there has the will to do this. At least -- I guess this is a bit of comfort -- it's only one student; I'm of course not allowed to know who. And yes, it's a pretty stupid reason for a grievance. But still. Never, in all my professional life, have I had so much as a complaint against me, to my knowledge. And to have it be one of *my* students...!

My supervisor has told me not to worry, and I'm not really, not about the job itself. But she also suggested that it might be time to take a less personal approach to the students, treat them more as clients or something; because with a powerful union out there gunning against the administration, she sees that as the only way for self-preservation. And I'm pretty sure I can't do this job like that; I just can't. If I can't care about the students, there's no point.

Guess I'll just muddle through and keep on the way I'm going. I'll just have to give those required letters a little more priority. *Sigh*