assorted and sundry bits
February 24th, 2005 02:35 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
shiredancer*blows dust off journal*
KACK! COUGH! Awww, poor neglected journal -- it's been all lonely and sad without me.
I've got some time to write, the first in a very long time... well, you know that. Too much life going on, I guess, and some death too. And some teeny, tiny miracles.
Too much of my job, of course. Huge chunks of work getting done there, and budget analysis, and projections for the future, and all. Too much angsting over my grad students, more than I rightly should do. I really need to learn to let go, just a tiny bit. If only to preserve my own sanity and to de-stress a little. Birthdays and anniversaries come and gone. I never even had a chance to read my birthday poem this year. I wonder if that's a bad omen? Kidlet gets to be in the chorus, and a principle dancer, in her school play, The Mystery of Edwin Drood (Dickens -- yay!) and therein lies the secret of me having some time to myself. Hurray for rehearsals. My dad had knee surgery yesterday and despite me being prepared to drive down if needed, I'm not -- he's doing great. My husband's uncle -- my uncle -- died.
Now, there was a man. A fabulous, brilliant, creative, tormented man; a true artist, with a lifetime's worth of drawings and sketches and etchings and paintings that were cleaned out of his terribly, sadly squalid trailer home. A New Yorker complete with accent and attitude, and an openly gay man long before it became "acceptable". He battled diabetes with insulin and refused to quit smoking, so he hacked and rasped his way through brilliant conversation covering opera, film, and the arts. The brilliance is a heritage of my husband's family on both sides, along with the ensuing emotional and mental problems that so frequently accompany it. I can never hold my own in conversation with those people, but they seem to like me anyway. I'm going to really, really miss him at the family gatherings. We all went down to help with clearing out the trailer, me rushing around and snatching the graphic homoerotic sketches as fast as the others were dumping them in the trash. You know what? I thank *god* that I encountered slash right here with y'all and became a genuine devotee. I don't just tolerate his gayness and his sketches and his gay porn videos, I don't just accept it -- I relish it and approve of it and love it in him. I took the one most beautiful painting that he made -- a full-length nude portrait of his dearest lover. God, you can just see, looking at it, that the picture was painted with *so* *much* *love* it's almost unbearable. It's a beautiful, beautiful thing. My small and humble home will never do it justice -- it belongs in a gallery or a museum (but it won't be permitted to leave the family).
*Raises glass to Uncle B, a rogue and a helluva guy.*
The tiny miracles are very tiny, indeed. One: I read a book. But see, it's the first actual, real book I've read since The Fellowship of the Rings came out and began my addiction to all things on line. Oh, the book was the fifth Harry Potter -- The Order of the Phoenix. Now there's an addictive universe -- I'm still trying to cope with real life after a weekend blur of reading, reading, reading. All other things went on hold.
The other miracle was picking up my guitar after -- how many years of neglect? -- a long time, anyway, and slowly, painfully picking out some songs. Ah, how much I've lost.
As for me, I feel like I'm pining for something. There's more change afoot, I can feel it. If I figure it out I'll post it here.
KACK! COUGH! Awww, poor neglected journal -- it's been all lonely and sad without me.
I've got some time to write, the first in a very long time... well, you know that. Too much life going on, I guess, and some death too. And some teeny, tiny miracles.
Too much of my job, of course. Huge chunks of work getting done there, and budget analysis, and projections for the future, and all. Too much angsting over my grad students, more than I rightly should do. I really need to learn to let go, just a tiny bit. If only to preserve my own sanity and to de-stress a little. Birthdays and anniversaries come and gone. I never even had a chance to read my birthday poem this year. I wonder if that's a bad omen? Kidlet gets to be in the chorus, and a principle dancer, in her school play, The Mystery of Edwin Drood (Dickens -- yay!) and therein lies the secret of me having some time to myself. Hurray for rehearsals. My dad had knee surgery yesterday and despite me being prepared to drive down if needed, I'm not -- he's doing great. My husband's uncle -- my uncle -- died.
Now, there was a man. A fabulous, brilliant, creative, tormented man; a true artist, with a lifetime's worth of drawings and sketches and etchings and paintings that were cleaned out of his terribly, sadly squalid trailer home. A New Yorker complete with accent and attitude, and an openly gay man long before it became "acceptable". He battled diabetes with insulin and refused to quit smoking, so he hacked and rasped his way through brilliant conversation covering opera, film, and the arts. The brilliance is a heritage of my husband's family on both sides, along with the ensuing emotional and mental problems that so frequently accompany it. I can never hold my own in conversation with those people, but they seem to like me anyway. I'm going to really, really miss him at the family gatherings. We all went down to help with clearing out the trailer, me rushing around and snatching the graphic homoerotic sketches as fast as the others were dumping them in the trash. You know what? I thank *god* that I encountered slash right here with y'all and became a genuine devotee. I don't just tolerate his gayness and his sketches and his gay porn videos, I don't just accept it -- I relish it and approve of it and love it in him. I took the one most beautiful painting that he made -- a full-length nude portrait of his dearest lover. God, you can just see, looking at it, that the picture was painted with *so* *much* *love* it's almost unbearable. It's a beautiful, beautiful thing. My small and humble home will never do it justice -- it belongs in a gallery or a museum (but it won't be permitted to leave the family).
*Raises glass to Uncle B, a rogue and a helluva guy.*
The tiny miracles are very tiny, indeed. One: I read a book. But see, it's the first actual, real book I've read since The Fellowship of the Rings came out and began my addiction to all things on line. Oh, the book was the fifth Harry Potter -- The Order of the Phoenix. Now there's an addictive universe -- I'm still trying to cope with real life after a weekend blur of reading, reading, reading. All other things went on hold.
The other miracle was picking up my guitar after -- how many years of neglect? -- a long time, anyway, and slowly, painfully picking out some songs. Ah, how much I've lost.
As for me, I feel like I'm pining for something. There's more change afoot, I can feel it. If I figure it out I'll post it here.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: February 24th, 2005 11:36 pm (UTC)It does sound like there's big changes afoot. Do you have a fairly regular cycle for big changes in your life, like I do? I'm slightly worried that my cycle tends to be three years in a community, thant I move on, and this summer will be my third year in the Livejournal World.
Huzzah for picking up reading again!
no subject
Date: February 24th, 2005 11:59 pm (UTC)I was just putting new elastic in the zils you sent me, and thinking of you, and here you are. **hugs**
I so understand where you're coming from with embracing the slash here online. I'm ashamed to say that my circle of RL friends and family does not include anyone who's openly gay--or possibly even closet gay. But seeing so many wonderful aspects of that aspect of being human portrayed here online, both in fiction and in life in general, not to mention my virtual friends who "swing that way," gives me hope that when I do run across those folks in Real Life I can not just be tolerant, I can be happy with them and for them in their life choices. You'll have to have a glass of wine and a virtual cigarette in Uncle B's memory next time you get together with the husband's family. He will be missed, but you did get to know him, so that much is good, no?
Changes, I think, come to us even when it's other folks' lives that are changing and not our own. Maybe some of your changes are because the kidlet is growing up and moving out into her own life a bit more?
I miss Hogwarts, too, when I'm finished with one of the books, though I haven't been back since the last book came out. Must go put the next one on order at Chapters...
**hugs**
Six weeks, thereabouts!
no subject
Date: February 25th, 2005 01:00 am (UTC)no subject
Date: February 25th, 2005 01:02 am (UTC)Is it April yet?
no subject
Date: February 25th, 2005 04:58 am (UTC)Hmmm, I've never taken note of whether there's a cycle to my changes or not. I don't think it would be anywhere near as regular as three years though -- you are so observant; you always amaze me. Don't be worried though, 'twill all work out. Betcha we LJers slow down a bit but never fully lose contact.
*hugs*
no subject
Date: February 25th, 2005 05:13 am (UTC)And heee, you're using the zils! Good for practice, but they're not the best -- you'll want to save up for some good Turquoise or Zildjian zils, love.
Oh, hey, it's so cool that slash has broadened our minds, isn't it? Yeah, I'll have the glass of wine (Gewurztraminer has been the popular choice of late at Peter's family gatherings, and I swiped a bottle from Uncle B's trailer) but the cigarette will definitely have to be virtual. Tried that at 14, choked a lot, afraid of matches, dropped it.
Hogwarts in July -- can't wait! And Hobbitcon in April -- whee! Bring costumes and pictures and music; I'll bring my belly dance album to show you. *blissful anticipation*
no subject
Date: February 25th, 2005 05:23 am (UTC)(don't worry, I wasn't expecting a formal invitation, and your home is such a joy that I always feel welcome!)
no subject
Date: February 25th, 2005 05:28 am (UTC)April -- whoot! Can't wait, can't wait, can't wait. Are any further plans being made over at HobbitCon? *runs to check*
no subject
Date: February 25th, 2005 07:35 pm (UTC)Sunday I'd love for it to be just us, and I'll pull out the belly dancing stuff again. Lots of music and food and dancing. It'll be great.
And I see you'll be staying with Lin - better a futon than the floor, eh? ;D I'm so glad she has the extra space.
*waves*
Date: February 28th, 2005 08:56 pm (UTC)I *finally* read the Harry Potter books myself, starting with the first one just before the holidays and I finished up the fifth book last week. I was so completely engrossed in that amazing universe and now I can't wait for the next book to come out! I'm sorry I held off reading them for so long and especially for the reasons that I did.
:-D
Re: *waves*
Date: March 3rd, 2005 07:03 am (UTC)Aren't the HP books wonderful? And just think, at least you've got the whole story fresh in your mind in preparation for the next one... When I read this last, I'd forgotten so many little details and some of it was hard to put together. J.K. sure does refer back to things in later segments...
So, are you married yet? You've gone all quiet and I don't know what's going on *pouts*.
*Smooch!*