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Aaarrrrgggghhhh!!!!!
January 4th, 2004 10:45 pmA year ago, the thought of celebrating my 50th birthday with a rock-out dance party was fine and entrancing. Now it is upon me and all I can wonder is, what was I *thinking*??? I have almost self-sabotaged myself right out of it -- I just posted invitations tonight, and the party is on Saturday. Bit of short notice there, Sally old girl -- something you want to tell us? (Okay, I sent email announcements to all of my department and many old friends several weeks ago -- but still...) My main feeling about the whole thing currently is fear. Fear that nobody will come. Fear that too many will come. Fear that nobody will dance. Fear that too many will dance. Fear that nobody will have a good time. Fear that *I* won't have a good time. Just, fear. Is there such a thing as party fear? Partyphobia? If so, I've got it bad.
And I've promised to bellydance, which I haven't done (I think) since the San Diego HobbitCon -- eep. I made a new costume (oh, brilliant move, that one... all that work and it will get worn once) and have yet to record new music because, as I learned in San Diego, the old stuff is just too darned fast anymore. And it's the music, not *me* dammit. Something speeded it up, I'm sure. (Still in righteous denial of anything smacking of middle age.)
Mostly I want to get through this next week, including returning to work after my two-week vacation and getting through the hellish workload of admissions season, and past this party, and on to planning for HobbitCon San Jose. Ahhh... now *there's* something to look forward to.
ETA: By the way, I hope you all know that you are all most warmly invited to the party -- although, heh heh, I haven't made it sound like much, eh? Realistically I know that nobody is actually near enough to attend, but in spirit -- I'll be thinking of you. And heartily wishing you *could* be there -- it would be oh-so-much better!
And I've promised to bellydance, which I haven't done (I think) since the San Diego HobbitCon -- eep. I made a new costume (oh, brilliant move, that one... all that work and it will get worn once) and have yet to record new music because, as I learned in San Diego, the old stuff is just too darned fast anymore. And it's the music, not *me* dammit. Something speeded it up, I'm sure. (Still in righteous denial of anything smacking of middle age.)
Mostly I want to get through this next week, including returning to work after my two-week vacation and getting through the hellish workload of admissions season, and past this party, and on to planning for HobbitCon San Jose. Ahhh... now *there's* something to look forward to.
ETA: By the way, I hope you all know that you are all most warmly invited to the party -- although, heh heh, I haven't made it sound like much, eh? Realistically I know that nobody is actually near enough to attend, but in spirit -- I'll be thinking of you. And heartily wishing you *could* be there -- it would be oh-so-much better!
